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Okay, here goes ...... how I became a Christian .... Mmmmm ..... yes ........ well ...... I s'pose I should start by telling you that I come from a non-Christian family - my mum never really talked about God or anything and my dad was always completely against it. I always got on with him much better than with my mum, and I just accepted his views and thought the idea of God was just a whole load of rubbish. If other people did ask me what I thought about God, I would just refuse to talk about it. When I was fifteen, things were getting very difficult at home - my parents were arguing all the time, they took everything out on me and my sister, my mum was ill ....... One evening, I overheard part of an argument, which just convinced me that they were going to split up, although they didn't actually say this. So, I rushed up to my room, very upset, and for the first time in my life I got down on my knees and prayed, "God - if you really are there and if you really do care, PLEASE let this all be my imagination and help everything to be okay." Unfortunately, my parents promptly got divorced, my dad disappeared and equally promptly married a trusted family friend, and I haven't seen him for about four years now.
You'd think that this would put me totally off wanting to find out any more about God - but for some reason, it didn't! (God does indeed work in mysterious ways!) Maybe it was the fact that I was suddenly brought face to face with the fact that my dad wasn't the wonderful father I thought he was, so I began questioning things he had taught me and views I had gained from him. Anyway, I gradually became more and more interested in finding out about God - I tried to talk to friends, I began going to my little village church, I began praying, and I decided to read a portion of the Bible every day, starting at the beginning and working through. (This didn't really work, as I found it difficult to read and apply to my everyday life - I had no idea that Bible study guides and things like that existed! I eventually admitted defeat, about half way through the Old Testament!) I carried on like this for quite a while, trying to find out as much as I could, and hiding my Bible whenever my mum came into the room - for fear of what she would say!
Then at the age of twenty, I came here to college and .......... WOW!!! I came to Morning Prayers, services in the chapel, and C.U. and I just couldn't believe it, because there were so many people all actually WANTING to talk about God! No-one was telling me to 'stop waffling on about religion', but instead you all seemed really keen to anwer my many awkward questions! I started going to Al's 'Just Looking' group, and Chris and Anna's 'Basics Group', and was really chuffed because I was learning so much about God! It was just amazing! The problem was that the more questions I asked, the more I seemed to have - I thought I'd never be able to find answers to all of my questions. I also thought that if I was going to become a Christian I had to be perfect right from the start - what a scary thought! It took some time for me to realise that I'll never find answers to all of my questions (not in this life, anyway!) and that I didn't have to be instantly perfect, to be a Christian. When I did eventually realise this, I asked Jesus to come into my life. I have to say, I was rather dubious that he'd want anything to do with an old bat like me! There's a verse in Revelation which I often thought about before I became a Christian - it's Chapter 3, verse 20:
"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me."
I always thought, "Mmmmmm ...... I wonder if Jesus really WOULD come in?!" I was rather chuffed when he actually did!!
I'm sure that coming away to college was definitely God's way of putting me in a position where I could learn more about him and really come to know him. He's been doing some really doodie things in my life as well! I don't worry about things as much as I used to. Usually, I get terrible eczema on my hands when I'm worrying a lot - in exam time, they're always cracked, bleeding, and painful. In the past, they've been so bad that they've just had to be bandaged up to stop them from bleeding over everything! This is the first time that I've had exams and my hands have been absolutely fine - they haven't even hurt! It's God! I've also learnt a lot about forgiveness, and God has helped me get to the point of deciding to forgive my dad and Margaret - the woman he married. I'm still rather amazed about this, because it's something I never, EVER thought I'd be able to do, or even want to do. I could certainly never have reached this point without God. It's still difficult - but God's helping me!
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